I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with. (Plato)
Apparently my last post was interpreted as “inappropriate and offensive” to some. So if you are someone I offended, I am very sorry. As always, I welcomed thoughts and opinions, except this time I received mostly negative feedback. But that’s okay – we don’t all have to agree. Differences are beautiful to me! Just know that it was not my intention, nor will it ever be, to disrespect you.
(Just to clarify, that post was supposed to be light-hearted and kind of silly – but apparently I should have prefaced it before switching from my normal “Serious M.O.”)
With that being said, all of this disapproving feedback had me evaluating myself and what it was that inspired me to write that post last week. And I guess the best thing I could come up with is this: I’m just a broken girl. I have struggles and hurts that have impacted who I am, just like everybody else. I am so far from perfect. I’m unworthy and unqualified for so many of life’s tasks.
This past Sunday in the midst of singing praises and songs of worship, in the presence of holiness I was very aware of all my short-comings, all of the uncountable ways that I’m just not “good” enough. But then, like an overwhelming embrace, I was conscious of the inescapable grace that is ever-present in my life. It was like having your heart broken and then put back together again, all in the same moment.
Then today I stumbled across an article on Huffington Post that was shockingly relatable to me. It’s titled, “Motherless by Choice.” The author of the article shares a deep and dark place of her life that few could understand, but I do all too perfectly. I hope that you will read it, and in turn perhaps it will shed some light on the strangeness that is me.
“Except the decision to finally walk away and cut ties doesn’t come from a place of anger for those of us who have been forced to do so. It comes from a place of deep sadness and self-preservation.”
Ashley Noelle Photography