“My Whole World”

Hobbies Since Becoming a Mom:

Drinking cold coffee
Looking for lost socks
Arguing with a smaller version of myself
Folding an endless supply of laundry

I used to think when mothers said that their children were “their whole world,” that it was some sweet sentiment used to convey how much they adored their children. But now I know the truth. I think what they really mean, in addition to their adoration for their little ones, is that their children literally consume their whole world.

Right now I’m in the all-encompassing season of trying to remember what time my little guy last ate, and when he needs to eat again. And is it time for his nap? Why is he waking up early from his nap? Has he pooped today? When did he last have a bath? Is he eating enough? And is that new scratch on his face? Why can’t he blow his own nose yet? Does he need a diaper change? And trying to translate what every other whine and whimper might mean.

Beyond that, there’s arranging the rest of the your world around the above questions. And then trying to fit all the productivity of your day around the brief moments he’s content or when he’s asleep. At least right now. Later on I’m sure it will be, why is it so quiet? What has he gotten in to? Why won’t he stop asking questions or interrupting me? Is he learning enough in school? Why do his soccer games have to be on Friday nights? Who is this girl he’s dating? Does he long for Jesus?

I think the terrifying thing about becoming a mother is that you can never stop being one. It’s so permanent. I’m not sure that anything in today’s world is as permanent, even those that should be. Walking down the aisle and becoming a wife was scary, it was a permanent decision (at least for us). But many people divorce and move on with totally different lives. Or like getting a tattoo is permanent. Although for a lot of money and pain you can now have them removed.

But becoming a parent is forever. I understand that some people give their children up for adoption for various reasons, and some children are taken from their parents. But their bringing life into the world can never be undone. The world is forever changed with each new birth. I can’t stop being a Mom now. I can’t just decide one day, “You know what, I’m not really into this whole “mom” thing. I think I’ll do something else.”

I tried to do this on Mother’s Day, or at least in some of the mundane ways. My darling husband woke early to take care of little man, made breakfast, and tried to give me a break throughout the day. But it didn’t work. Jax still needed his mom. And I still needed him. He fought his naps, and I soothed him. He cried in protest at his car seat, and I wiped his tears. I still changed diapers and washed bottles. I still smothered him in hugs and kisses.

So in honor of my first Mother’s Day, here’s a few photos of our sweet little three-month old world-changer: